Big Bust Babes #1 and #2

Alpha Blue Archives has been doing a great job of producing compilations of stuff that’s been out of print for years, material that might not be worth seeking out scene by scene but is eminently watchable when you’ve got a two-hour collection of it right there at your fingertips. If you’re a connoisseur of older porn, the charmingly dated clips on this DVD will have you on the edge of your seat. They date from a time when bodies were still good to look at even if they were imperfect, and when there was a sort of unstudied naivete (or at least it seems there was in retrospect); the softcore porn that may have been daring at the time but is just a little naughty in the context of the all-anal, jizz-swapping, hole-gaping extravaganzas on every shelf nowadays.

The sound is bad, the picture quality is often grainy and soft with age, but the girls are so endearingly forthright and earnest that the faults of the film itself are part of the charm – it would be somehow less appealing, less titillating and naughty if the film were crystal clear. The Big Bust Babes of the title are the tit queens of yesteryear, the women with the biggest, firmest, heaviest, saggiest and the mostest; natural women with lush bodies who populated the world of hardcore and softcore before the boundaries started to expand. It goes without saying that the girls in this DVD all have enormous breasts, some truly gargantuan, some that are more in proportion but still pretty damn big.

Scene 1: Candy Samples
The first scene is a montage of different girls – tall, lanky blonde Candy Samples, for some reason, has a trapeze in her bedroom (hey, why not?), which she cavorts on, dangling her tits over the bar, stretching and swinging back and forth as well as doing bust exercises with a pair of little barbells, and stretches that make her big breasts bounce and sway. Candy is the narrator and hostess, and we return to her time after time in between scenes.

Scene 2: Roxanne Brewer
Roxanne Brewer, a redhead with long, curly tresses, has a drinking problem, which is to say that once she’s undressed and put on some lingerie, she can’t keep from spilling various liquids all over her enormous front, after which she frolics on the bed for a while and then takes a bath, soaping herself up and then rinsing off while standing up and displaying her buxom charms.

Scene 3: Roberta Pedon
Roberta Pedon, a young blonde with a moony face, and Marla Monroe, a busty tomboy, are next; both of them in bath scenes. Roberta takes a bath standing up, dripping water all over her body and slishing it, and then heads into the bedroom to writhe all over her bed. At this point, all pretense of just taking a bath or whatever we were supposed to be spying on is long gone, and she’s just posing and crawling around on the bed in positions that show off her tits. Fine by me.

Scene 4: Marla Monroe
Marla starts out on the couch in a baseball cap and cutoff shorts, and her gimmick is a baseball bat, which she grinds against a little before she gets her clothes off, massages herself on the floor for a little while and then climbs into the tub. She too takes her bath standing up. When she’s done, we’re back to Candy and her boobalicious exercise regimen, which includes handgrips and a jumprope.

Scene 5: Darlene English
Darlene “Yum Yum” English is another statuesque blonde, this one with a little bit of a belly – she’s a little older and curvy all over, and she starts off by licking her own nipples. She strips down and masturbates on her hands and knees on her bed, looking pouty and seductive, before turning over and lying back and spreading her legs. Unfortunately, Darlene looks a little tired.

Scene 6: Doreen Cormier
Doreen is also a little older than the rest of the crew, but still attractive; a dark blonde in pink chiffon, she’s not as tremendously busty as the rest, either, but she makes up for it with her lusty expression and languorous self-gratification. She’s better proportioned than most of the girls on the tape, which means her breasts aren’t bigger than you. She ends up covered up in the bed with pink satin sheets over her as she winds down.

Scene 7: Sza Sza Brastowsky
Meanwhile, Candy is still working out with the barbells, and oiling herself up, massaging her huge globes as she introduces the next girl – “the best thing to come out of Poland since sausage” – Sza Sza Brastowsky, who if she really is from Poland, is the archetypal peasant girl, broad-hipped, slightly sag-bellied and cow-faced, with veined tits that she covers with lotion and massages at length before rinsing off with a washrag from a basin.

Scene 8: Rhonda Jo Petty
Candy, still oiled up, lies back and gets out a vibrator before introducing Rhonda Jo Petty, a blonde with curly hair and nice small huge breasts – just big, not monstrous. She writhes and stretches on a couch, rubbing her tits against the fabric and moaning, then turning over to spread her legs and play on her back. She goes down on the white sheepskin rug to massage her breasts and stroke herself with her fingertips, and finishes up by rubbing her pussy with a hand mirror. Candy’s eating strawberries and getting the rest of her lingerie off; when she’s finally nude, Part One ends and the second half starts.

Part Two is considerably more hardcore than Part One, with girl on girl action and much more explicit masturbation scenes, including lots of dirty talk and orgasms, where the first half of the movie was more cheesecake-oriented. Another difference is that the second part isn’t as good about identifying the players as the first half was; so it’s hard to be sure who’s who.

Scene 1: Angel Cash and Carol Miller
Two (relatively) busty girls are sitting on a couch talking about how much their big breasts hurt them, and advice they’ve gotten from mothers and doctors and so on, but talk isn’t enough, and soon they’re comparing endowments, and demonstrating their ability to squeeze milk out, and then Angel Cash, the blonde, just has to get a taste of brunette Carol’s milk. Soon Angel’s nipples are squirting too, giving Carol an eyeful. Soon after, they’re stripping down and playing with more than just tits, kissing and getting naked in preparation for some moderately hardcore action, going down on each other and writhing in mutual ecstasy.

Scene 2: Rhonda Jo Petty
Rhonda Jo Petty is hanging out at the beach house and she’s SO damn horny that she calls up Beth and asks her to come over and play, but Beth is busy and Rhonda has to take care of matters herself. Lying down on the bed, she strokes herself and gets out the big Hitachi, humping and grinding until she comes.

Scene 3: Pepper Bond
The next girl, Pepper Bond, is a blonde who loves talking dirty on the phone, telling us about her exhibitionist fantasies; she disrobes a little at a time, exposing herself slowly, still talking on the phone. She hangs up and gets down to business, taking off the rest of her clothes and getting her big ‘80s vibrator out. She keeps up the dirty talk and rubs her tits while she grinds the vibe until she comes (more than once, by the sound of it).

Scene 4: Mindy Marlow
Mindy is a pretty, healthy-looking brunette who gets out of her clothes on a waterbed, talking about how much she likes to show off her tits and what she’d do if you were there to help her out with her horniness problem. This movie might as well be a commercial for the big Hitachi vibrator, since every girl seems to have one. She gets hers out – it turns out to be named Joe – and heaves away on the waterbed, moaning to beat the band (the band, by the way, is churning out the porn funk to beat some other band). She comes to a climax and sighs herself to sleep.

Scene 5: Anna Ventura (Jennifer)
Anna Ventura (listed in the credits as Jennifer), is a brunette with medium-sized big breasts, tells us she’s from San Diego and loves to be treated like a lady and then manhandled by a horny tit-freak, and then she shows us how that should be done, massaging herself all the while. She’s a good dirty talker, and spells everything out, including a deep desire to be fucked in the ass, which is the first time that’s come up in this relatively softcore movie. Unlike the rest of the girls so far, she finishes herself off with her fingers, eschewing the vibrator.

Scene 6: Keli Stewart
Next up is Keli Stewart, a brunette with pendulous breasts and a nice round belly (she’s a little pregnant, a condition which she boosted into a porn career – Keli Stewart was famous for her gravid condition); she strips out of her blue lingerie and displays herself, moving through a bunch of pinup poses. She’s not one to waste words, and she shows off her big ass and round tits in all kinds of positions. She doesn’t have a vibrator, though - or sound - and she doesn’t really masturbate, per se. She more just kind of plays for a while.

Scene 7: Uschi Digart and friend
Next up are two brunettes. Uschi Digard is the busty one; her unnamed friend is not exactly flat, but not exactly in it with the rest of the girls, either. They get right to it, with no dialogue about their tits hurting or doctor’s advice or anything. They don’t even stop to take their clothes off, going right to the pussy-eating and lesbian sex without even slowing down. Neither one of them is selfish, though, and they trade off on servicing each other, finally getting naked in the middle of the action. The two eat each other out and kiss until the end credits.

If you want extraordinarily big-busted girls with natural bodies, this is a treasure trove for you. The footage is old, relatively rare, and delightfully innocent (more so in the first half than the second, but neither of the two films is in any way shocking, extreme, or even really explicit). There's no penetration - all the vibrators are the big kind with a giant head that looks like an oversized microphone - and even the girl-girl scenes are pretty tame. Alpha Blue Archives excels at this kind of cheesecake, so look out for more, as the original Big Bust Babes series ran to a couple of dozen volumes.   Collapse.

Alpha Blue Archives has been doing a great job of producing compilations of stuff that’s been out of print for years, material that might not be worth seeking out scene by scene but is eminently watchable when you’ve got a two-hour collection of it right there at your fingertips. If you’re a connoisseur of older porn, the charmingly dated clips on this DVD will have you on the edge of your seat. They date from a time when bodies were still good to look at even if they were imperfect, and when there was a sort of unstudied naivete (or at least it seems there was in retrospect); the softcore porn that may have been daring at the time but is just a little naughty in the context of the all-anal, jizz-swapping, hole-gaping extravaganzas on every shelf nowadays.... Read the Full Review!